Depression Fecking Sucks, Not Just Hurts

I’ve decided to use my blog not only to writing, music, and other facets of entertainment, but, also to share my journey. I’ve had significant health problems for almost three years.

Thank you for listening, periodically, I will have a new installment chronicling my journey-


Although this time of year brings a warm glow to the core of most folks, we have a subset of people struggling to even wake up on Christmas Day.

Depression/Anxiety/Bi-Polar/Fibromyalgia/MS/Sjogrens/Lupus/too many to list…
Some seek help, some give up, some learn to live with it. It's not an easy life, but, it's one worth living. Which is the hardest part of all to remember, especially when you're in physical and mental pain.

I had some of that pain yesterday....

I made the horrible mistake of miscalculating my Lyrica prescription  before it ran out. Taking the last pill on Monday morning, I called the script in to my amazing Kroger pharmacy. I arrived about 8:45 pm that night to pick it up.

They were out of stock.

It would be two days.

Our fur family Mickey the Boston and Aggie the Heinz 57

So, they called into a neighboring Kroger pharmacy, but, I couldn’t pick it up until Tuesday. So, Monday night, I go to bed without my dose of Lyrica.

Lyrica leaves the body roughly 18 hours after a dose. (I suppose more or less depending on dosage, but, that’s not important right now, I’m no doctor.)

By Tuesday morning, it had been a full 24 hours plus with no Lyrica and I felt horrible. I had severe pruritis (itching body wide, especially in sensitive areas), disorientation, anxiety, nausea, aches, peripheral neuropathy pings, dizziness, sitting upright made me sick body wide. But, I had to work. I couldn’t get my script until after 9am when they opened.

I had to be to work earlier than that. So, I toughed it out all day until I got it around 7pm. By that time, missing two doses and way over 18 hours.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m using myself as an example. What if I had to live that way every day of my life? My nervous system was talking to me, giving me the what’s what about the state of my damaged nerve cells.

Some folks do this every day. At least the Lyrica shuts up the griping for the most part.

Depression and other mental illnesses work the same way. Damaged nerve receptors do not function properly leaving people hopeless, depressed, sad, angry, lonely, oh my goodness too many negatives to name.

It isn’t all in people’s heads.

Most folks don’t want to live that way. The body has been altered, they didn’t have a cognitive choice.

Advances in medical treatment have made some mental disorders as easy to control as a high blood pressure medication, high cholesterol medication, or in my case, damaged nerve endings. However, it takes courage for a person to admit they need help, especially with the still remaining stigmas surrounding mental illness.

What about the people who have suffered abuse or a similar traumatic incident. Let’s say the nerve cells aren’t damaged. The fact everything functions “normally” doesn’t mean the person can interpret the signals correctly. Or, the body goes into survivor mode. As reported by Time magazine- “To cope with overwhelming experiences of distress, the brain can alter patterns of signaling from the pathways involved, which can ultimately leave those regions underdeveloped from reduced input. The brain of a child who is raped, for example, may react by reducing the connectivity of the regions that were hurt.”

The brain survivor mode means a change in the signals, either reducing or increasing. Both affect the cognitive response of a person. Sometimes, a person needs support, understanding, and yes, patience. No change happens overnight, but, it can get better. The aching can diminish, and while it may not go completely away, you can learn how to manage the pain for a quality life.

This season, I’m saying Merry Christmas to every person I see. I choose to make the most of the life I’m rebuilding, one day at a time.

You can too. You can rebuild. You are strong, courageous, and worth it. You MATTER.

I hope all readers take an opportunity to reach out to someone in need, not just over the next week, but, every day of 2015.

I will be cognizant of my surroundings, and do what I can to help.

Will you make that same pledge?




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