Tuesday Tales - Don't Confuse the Lube with Ointment!

Ahoy Fellow Fathomers! This week's Tuesday Tales prompt is the word "long". Please see how I use "long" in my new WIP erotic romance, Sexy Bea Spelling. Our heroine, Bea, uses a week to lose her inhibitions, but, did she lose her heart as well?

“We had the lights off because the toddlers fell asleep on our bed. I wanted my Tammy time before I moved them.” Craig’s face turned bright red. “I don’t think I can finish this story, my buzz wore off.”
Tammy shook her head. “Craig told me something didn’t seem right, but, I said the lube was fine, just squirt out a handful and let’s go. At that point, the babies were getting restless, we didn’t have much time.” Tammy shook her head. “This sounds like some kind of Mission Impossible thing.”
Craig temporarily forgot his embarrassment. “With kids, intimacy is a Mission Impossible thing, Bea, trust us.”
“Craig put a large dollop in the center of my girl parts and proceeded to, you know, enter me.” Tammy put both hands across her face and muffled through her palms. “It was like some sticky turbo gunk suctioned him into me, literally stuck in me, Bea. But, he kept going…”
“I didn’t notice at first, I was too excited.” Craig shrugged his shoulders.
“I grabbed the baby’s diaper rash ointment, Bea, it was not the KY jelly.  It was horrible! There was not enough Massengill in the bathroom to correct the situation in my nether regions.” Tammy shook her head.
“It was the husband, in the bedroom, with the Desitin.” Craig pronounced in an exaggerated British accent, as if announcing the winner in a game of Clue.
Bea choked on a Cheerio laughing. “Oh my God, you two are damn funny! This is going to be so hard not to bring this up in the future, you realize this, right?”
Tammy threw a few Cheerios in Bea’s direction. “Hey, hey, I thought you were my friend? You brat. Well, just remember, I have some dirt on you too, missy.”
“I know, only teasing Tammy. I love you guys too much to throw you under the bus. But, I gotta know, how long did it take to clear all that ointment out of your stuff?”
Tammy’s lips pursed and her eyes focused, deep in thought. “I guess it didn’t really take that long, but, I’ll never forget it. Never again will I keep the diaper supplies in our room.” Tammy held up three fingers in the gesture of a solemn promise.
 “Craig, you two should take a stand-up routine on the road. People would pay good money to hear your adventures.”
“Oh, yea, Bea, our life is reality show worthy, not.”
“You never know, Craig, you just never know.” Bea ticked her tongue and nodded her head before looking toward Tammy. “All this excitement tonight is making me hungry, Tammy, how’s supper coming? I’m starving.”

“Sometimes, with you and Craig, it’s like having two husbands.” Tammy giggled before finishing the preparations on the evening meal. “Forks up, cause it’s finally ready.”

"Now that you've read my contribution to TT, please visit my creative friends over at our main blog, Tuesday Tales for their take on our word prompt "long". 

BLUE INK- THE SKIN STALKER available now! Recent review "...i am a little over half way thru the book! its super good...and freaky! i have to admit when i got up around 2am to go to the bathroom i wasn’t about to look in the mirrors and my closet was open and i wasn’t going near it."
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Sarah said…
OMG. lol!! That's hilarious! Is it based on a true story? hehe.
V.L. Locey said…
Too danged funny!
Jean Joachim said…
Hilarious episode this week! Loved it! Right, don't keep the baby supplies in the bedroom. LOL. Well done.
Tamara Hoffa said…
I have a worse story. My mother once grabbed the wrong tube in the bathroom and mistook the BenGay for the Vagisil! Not a pretty picture!
Tricia Andersen said…
Oh wow! I keep thinking about the consistancy of Desitin. That is hilarious!! Great post! LOL!!
Jean Joachim said…
I remember this post. Hilarious then and hilarious now!! As a parent I can easily relate. Privacy goes out the window when the kids arrive. Loved this post.
V.L. Locey said…
Just as funny the second time around!
Lindsay said…
Again, that was way to funny.
Anonymous said…
I'm glad you used this one! Somehow I missed this one, I think it was the few weeks I took off for my nieces wedding & traveling to CA. Glad it came back so I got a chance to read it. Hilarious! Loved it.

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