Just Out of My Grasp- RAWR – BDSM and Chronic Illness…Really? Yea, Really

10/31/2013

Ahoy Fellow Fathomers, I’ve decided to use my blog not only to writing, music, and other facets of entertainment, but, also to share my journey. I found out on June 19, 2013 the reason for many of my ongoing health problems is because I have systemic lupus, also known as SLE.

Thank you for listening, each week I will have a new installment chronicling my journey. Please, please feel free to comment, write, share. I hope to use this forum as a help to all of us, no matter what pain you are experiencing. You may also send stories to me via finlessbook at gmail dot com. I will respect your privacy and maintain your anonymity, if you so desire.

Hugs for today …

RAWR – BDSM and Chronic Illness…Really? Yea, Really

There comes a time in most everyone’s life they evaluate their level of excitement, rating their existence on a scale from benign to buck-wild. For myself, I have several good stories that could make me blush, but, I’m proud to own them. Most of the good stuff happened after I turned 30, so, it wasn’t youthful reckless abandon. It was all out I’m an adult woman and I want to live, really LIVE.

I discovered a masochistic side to my nature, it was almost alarming at first, but, I quickly settled into its’ comfort like my favorite flip-flops. I spent a few years investigating my limits, both pushing them and learning from them. Then, just as quickly as I explored this lifestyle, I let it go, re-living the most enjoyable times only in daydreams.

I took up running, eventually biking, then triathlons- as many of you already know. It was a love hate relationship. It was then something occurred to me that I cherished the pain of athletics, it gave me the same sub-space high of a productive s/M session. When I had injuries – the chronic shin splints and lower back problems, I began the joy of physical therapy. Joy of Physical Therapy? Oh, yea, I dug it, the harder the better, sometimes I even had the lovely bruises to show for it and I wore them like a trophy. I had not stopped being a masochist, I simply changed the way I experienced the pain.

When I started getting sick, I fought desperately for answers as to why my body kept failing me. I cried when I thought of crossing a triathlon finish line and wondered if I’ll ever do that again. My sister consoled me by reminding me that I did do it, I finished a few of them…I already owned it. But, even then, I never performed quite as good as I’d hoped, thinking I had much more time to train and get better.

However, now, the socially acceptable way I achieved the euphoria of sub-space was stolen from me and I grieved.

Another revelation hit me like a cat o nine tails, could sufferers of chronic illness derive relief from s/M? It’s quite plausible, in as much as Vicodin doesn’t really take away the pain, it just makes the patient happier to tolerate it. Could a good lashing numb the headache, neuropathy, brain fog, or joint pain? I’m not sure, but, I fully believe more research is in order. Just how to go about it, I’m not sure, but, I’ll figure something out.

Stay tuned…

Lupus Foundation of America