Saturday Sippers in The Locker
Ahoy Fellow Fathomers! Welcome to the feature here in The Locker called Saturday Sippers. Today’s edition is going to be a little different. I’m going to talk with you about a drink…but, it isn’t one you will immediately enjoy. Matter of fact, you won’t want it for your usual happy hour. This is strictly a drink for when you will be home for several hours and have some time to relax.
The Salt Water Cleanse.
So, I’ve hit a wall with my weight loss and it’s very frustrating. I’ve been on Weight Watchers for about 3 weeks, and keep under my points. I’ve adjusted to a rabbit diet, (as these raw veggies and most fruits are zero points). I’ve been taking in extra fiber as a result. I’m in my workout routines, and feeling pretty good overall. So, can’t figure out why my weight loss stalled at 3 pounds.
My beautiful yoga instructor suggested to me I partake in a salt water cleanse or flush. She said it helps to kick start her weight loss routine when the nagging stubborn pounds won’t go away. She said it cleans your entire digestive tract from start to finish, so, that was also appealing. She told me to research on the internet and find some easy programs to use.
She also said, stay home and very close to the bathroom.
My next trip to the grocery store, I bought a high grade sea salt. It was the store brand, and I didn’t buy it from the organic and health food section. From scouring the internet, most advised to get certain types of sea salt, so, I went middle of the road and hoped for the best.
Well, the following Sunday arrived cold and dreary. Was the perfect day to stay inside and flush. I had already eaten a light breakfast, and was concerned because most of the instructions I read were to perform this flush on an empty stomach. But, I did it anyway.
The particular article I chose to follow went along the lines of my yoga instructor’s instructions. One tablespoon of salt dissolved in 32 oz warm water. However, I’m an overachiever and went with two tablespoons for good measure.
Now, you have to drink this entire 32 oz concoction within 5-10 minutes.
That’s a chore people. Especially when you’re a dumbass, I mean overachiever, like me and double the salt.
I mixed up my sodium cocktail and took the first drink. Bleck, warmed over ocean water. I imagined myself as Tom Hanks stranded with only sea water to drink. “Wilson” couldn’t even help me get this stuff down. Damn, it felt like watching the movie, Waterworld- painful and laborious.
After a few drinks, I made it about one third through the large container. That’s when my head began to spin and the nausea rolled over me like a tidal wave of “oh no you won’t”. The Revolt of all revolts began.
I sat very still and attempted to find my center of gravity. It was like toxic overload from head to toe. I managed to get up and drink some purified room temperature water. I drank as much of that as I could. Feeling defeated, I looked at my glass 2/3 full and contemplated failure. (is it really possible to see one’s glass mostly full and feel disappointment- completely goes against the saying).
Within a couple of hours, my stomach began churning and gurgling and emitting loud growling noises. The nausea had worn off for the most part, but, I wasn’t having any more of my sea salt cocktail. I kept drinking clear water. When suddenly, it hit, the storm of all storms…(borrowed a line from Burl Ives).
Let’s just say without graphic details, that apparently 1/3 of that drink was sufficient to do the dirty job. Mike Rowe would have been proud. About eight bathroom trips over the next few hours later, I spun off my last wad of toilet paper and smiled in success.
I will tell you I read sites that recommended doing this two or three times weekly. Seriously? I think NOT. Those people have some kind of fetish.
When I told Miss Beautiful Yogi that I actually did the salt water challenge, I mean cleanse, she gave me a high five. Apparently only a dozen people she’d told over the years actually went through the saline hazing. But, she cautioned, it was only to be done every six months, give or take. Simply because the colloidal combination of salt and water rinses out the good with the bad and certain good bacteria needs to reset the balance. A probiotic is highly recommended following a cleanse. Which I’m also taking.
I’m also taking the supplement, milk thistle, to improve liver function and get out some of the gunk stored all up in there. If you’re looking for clearer skin, better weight loss, or just an all-inclusive detox, the salt water cleanse is highly effective and inexpensive. Next time, I will not double the salt, as one tablespoon will be quite enough. Even She-Ra couldn’t take that on.
But, stay close to a restroom and never trust a fart during the process. Get a good book and be ready to spend quite a bit of time in the powder room. By all means do your research and don’t take my word for it or medical advice. I’m not a doctor and I certainly don’t play one on TV.