Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Did Passion Disappear Into a Minivan?

Ahoy Fellow Fathomers!
Today in The Locker I discuss finding passion again. Where do you think it goes?

So What’s All The Fuss?
Over the past few weeks, I’ve researched the camps between Fifty Shades of Grey and Bared To You. Okay, come back, I’m not rehashing either book or reviewing either one. (Although I’ve not read FSOG, I did read Bared To You and have a review just down on this page, if you are so interested.) This blog focuses on how this newest trend in fiction- erotic romance- is impacting my part of the world.
Having a double degree in Psychology and Sociology, followed by a Master’s degree in counseling, it stands to reason why I continue to study the world and the people in it long after I walked across the stage to receive my diplomas. When I write my books, I take very real issues in society-the good, bad, or indifferent-and use those issues as integral parts of my storylines. I research the topic and attempt to write my fiction as closely as possible to what is realistic. Although, my stories do have the necessary happily ever after (HEA) to give readers the obligatory boost they desire from reading, when reality does not always end so neatly and favorably.
Fiction does try to give an escape—if even for a short respite from actuality.
When my first erotic romance released in February, it shocked me pleasantly that I had closet fans I would have never dreamed. These individuals are men and women, teachers, church-goers, little league parents, small town folks, city folks, management analysts, etc, you get my point. Not one of my readers would be what society terms a “pervert” or “social deviant” for lack of better descriptors. Of course, it’s impossible to know each one of my readers, but, the ones who approached me truly made me smile. Because it revealed to me that sexuality is a healthy activity that is regaining popularity.
In this world of deadlines, scout meetings, soccer, softball, baseball, football, church attendance, and our jobs-and some of us have more than one paying job-intimacy very often takes a backseat. Slowly crumbling relationships into skeletons of what formerly were two madly-in-love, starry eyed people who couldn’t get enough of one another.
What happened to passion?
It disappeared inside a minivan.
Also, I know as a mother, any number of things interfere with me embracing any semblance of sexy: Gaining weight, feeling tired, preoccupied mind, those new wrinkles, another birthday, blah blah blah….you see what I mean.
Recently, during a busy event, a friend approached me on the sly, on a short break from her second job. She explained to me she recently began reading an erotic romance and although she liked it, her husband loved it. I asked if she was reading it to him, she said no. It turns out the racy romance watered the seed of passion and he was simply reaping the afterglow of the text.  (I think you know what I mean to the tune of four or five afterglows in one weekend!)
Yes, many folks do not agree the sexuality should be so explicit and descriptive. I’ll admit to having difficulty typing some of my more intense scenes, it’s sometimes embarrassing, literally. Sometimes, though, writing the story “waters” my own dormant seed of passion and my husband receives “afterglows” too. He always appreciates that. ;) Maybe you need a touch of spicy text to get your motor revved up, so to speak. Subtle does not always capture a person the way some nitty gritty does.
Enough TMI.
According to MSN.com, in 2011 divorce rates dropped. However, the economy seems to be the root cause, not necessarily the commitment to stay together. Moreover, the economic strain forcing marriages to stay together also seems to have spurned higher levels of infidelity. Why would someone seek sexual relations outside of a committed relationship? Disinterest and anger are two possible culprits.
What can couples do to create a successful, loving union? Remembering their intimacy and rekindling it seems to be a successful key. Regardless of your faith or belief system- at one time couples vowed in any number of ceremonial ways in front of witnesses to stay together-- and loved like rabbits behind closed doors. Then, the magic seemed to fade….and those two excited people became simple roommates.
Sigh
Maybe erotic fiction can help give that extra boost we need, especially after a long day of deadlines, chasing kids, and paying the bills.
Would it really hurt to try?



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